I’ll admit, I have one speeding ticket on my record. I got pulled over on a cross country road trip when I was moving from California to North Carolina for college. I got pulled over in the middle of Wyoming for going 92 in a 75. My mom was in the car with me so I bowed my head in shame and took the ticket. But I think I have come up with a couple of ideas to get out of a ticket.

1. Make it Look Like You had an “Accident”: If you have a bottle of water in your car, or if you’re really desperate and only have a soda, pouring some on you to make it look like you didn’t make it to the bathroom in time might make the officer feel bad enough that they will let you off with a warning.

2. Try the “Tommy Boy” Tactic: When Chris Farley and David Spade get pulled over after a little drinking; Chris Farley jumps out of the car screaming “the bees, the bees”! The cops are too worried about getting stung to get close enough to give them a ticket.

3. Cry: If you get pulled over, try weeping uncontrollably. This one is kind of a common trick that is supposedly used by women to get out of a ticket.

4. Ask Nicely for a Warning: Maybe instead of offering up a lame excuse, just simply asking the officer for a warning instead of a ticket might work. I’m guessing you would have a better chance of this one working if you’re only going a little over the speed limit.

5. Are You a Jedi? Ever have one of those days where you’re driving and whenever you come up to a red light you tell it to turn green and it does? Well my friend, maybe you have some of the force in ya. If so, you can simply manipulate the mind of the officer to get out of a ticket. A bit of advice though, before you go trying this on police officers, see if you can get the remote to your TV to come to you first.

6. Tell a Joke: This is a tricky tactic. Tell a joke that somehow offends the officer and you could be off to jail. Make the officer laugh however and you could get a free pass.

7. Lie Through Your Teeth: Try the “my wife’s about to have a baby and I need to get to the hospital but first I need to drop off some toys at the local orphanage” excuse. Of the excuses on the list, I’m going to vote this one “least likely to succeed.”

8. Tell the Truth: Honesty is the best policy. Maybe the officer will be so impressed with honesty that they will let you off with a warning. Like number seven, I’m predicting that this tactic won’t have a high success rate as well.

9. Flirt: Ladies- Try batting your lashes at the officer and maybe he will be so distracted he won’t remember why he pulled you over. Guys, when trying this tactic, I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest the flexing bicep “did you pull me over because of these guns” joke will not get you anywhere.

10. Blame the Car: When the officer asks how fast you were going, tell them you’re not sure, your speedometer is broken. This excuse can be tricky since you’re admitting to not knowing how fast you were going but you can try to down play that fact with something like “I was just keeping up with the flow of traffic.”

So, I am guessing that depending on your acting skills, some of these tips might actually work. But, the best way to not get a ticket is to stay within the speed limit. Not only will a ticket be expensive but it will also increase your car insurance premium.